Talking with Anyone – What Do You Need?
If you are the type that sits alone at a party with a hundred people just because you don’t know anyone there, you definitely need to improve your skills of communication. Communication is the key to anything – making friendships, striking business contracts, impressing people and even getting yourself a life partner. You cannot do any of these without talking with someone.
But if talking with someone unfamiliar is something that scares the heebie jeebies out of you, you need a quick sizing up. Probably something is seriously wrong there. Talking is actually one of the natural things that we do – it is as natural as breathing for most of us – so what’s holding you back.
Let us begin by trying to see the most important things that you will need in order to be able to talk with anyone.
Note that I will always use the phrase ‘talking with someone’ here as opposed to ‘talking to someone’. This is not about grammar, but it is more about what I think. Talking is not something you do alone. You do it with someone. It is not that you just keep on going blah-blah and the other person just listens. They are talking with you too. It is a collaborated effort.
The first thing you need to start any kind of conversation is confidence. Here confidence basically means that you should have some knowledge of your self-worth. You should know that you amount to something and that is what you need to project when you are trying to open a conversation with someone. It is only when they understand that listening to you will mean something to them will they take the time. However, your confidence will only show when you are really happy with your self-worth. Hence, this is more about a self-evolvement thing than personality development.
I would say this is what gives the power to keep any conversation going. What does being considerate mean in this context? It simply means this – You have to be as much aware of the other person as you are about yourself. If you get a break at a conversation with someone, it does not mean that you will just go on rambling about yourself. Give an equal opportunity to the other to speak. Listen to what they say. Ask about them. Make them feel important in the talk too.
You may start with a single topic, but if you want to keep a conversation going on, it is best to be diverse. Once you know what the person likes, you could continue talking about that subject. But it would be foolish to talk about Hollywood thrillers to a person who hasn’t ever watched a movie, wouldn’t it? You must make an eﬀort to keep broadening your vistas of knowledge all the time. Remember that the more you know the more will you be able to talk.
A conversation commits partial suicide when you forget an important detail about someone. It would be ridiculous if you have been speaking with someone for fifteen minutes and you have already forgotten their name which they mentioned. On the other hand, if you speak specifically to someone about something that pertains to them, you will almost always get a good reply. A good memory is vital to good conversation; I have always experienced that.
People speak about breaking the ice so very often without really understanding what it implies. Here is what it should mean to you.
What Does Breaking the Ice Actually Mean?
One of the terms that we use very often in our colloquial talk is ‘breaking the ice’. If there is a really sexy girl in college or a handsome hunk and you manage to get a few words out of her or him for the first time, you say you have broken the ice with them. If there is someone superior to you at work and you have always been aloof and then suddenly you get them to talk with you, you say that you have broken the ice. So, does breaking the ice just mean getting on communicating terms with someone new? Or is there more to it than we generally imply?
I would say breaking the ice means getting the person interested in you. It is not just about getting them to use their vocal cords; it is about getting them interested in you at least to a little extent so that they feel it worthwhile to say something in response. When you have broken the ice with someone, they most usually speak something in response to what you are saying. This means that what you told them has held their interest.
Think about the term itself. When ice is ice, it is solid. It is stubborn and hard. But when you break it, it becomes pliable at once. It becomes ﬂuid and starts moving. It doesn’t take it long to become warm water. But as long as it is ice, it will continue to be hard. So, when you break the ice with someone, you are actually turning someone who is cold toward you into a warm, responsive person. In other words, breaking the ice is the beginning step to any conversation.
How do you get that to happen?
All the rules work. You can use them, all at once, to make speaking with unfamiliar people a definite possibility. But you have to take the initiative here. Don’t assume everyone to be frank and friendly and free spirited. For most people, you will have to break the ice. This may be the route to a potential friendship or business collaboration or maybe even a relationship.
Think about it.
Break the ice more often than you do.
Hypnotherapy can be a valuable tool in helping peoples anxiety when it comes to public speaking. It works by improving our self worth and deals with the subconscious portion of our mind. The negative self talk, the constant chatter that holds us back.
The number of sessions required vary from person to person, but the fact is everyone can be hypnotised, and the fears can be dealt with. Anyone interested in having hypnotherapy for confidence etc can contact me for info on the link above